After the Party

It's 2 am and I'm not tired, so I thought I'd give you the skinny on the Fashion Fair. It was fabulous! The models looked great! The lights, the hair (the weave), the makeup, and the collections. It's the most fashion forward one that I can remember. I'll tell it to you in observations:

a) It's great to have a network! I loved being there, right next to the runway at a reserve table. And attending the VIP party afterwards with the models and all that was stellar.

b) Black people, my people! Ya'll know you be dressing up for the fashion show like it was a church pageant! Not to mention the people that dressed for the red carpet at the Oscars. My absolute favorites though were at one of the runway-side tables across from us. A group of hard-faced older ladies with the worst weaves that I have ever seen -- the cheap ones that look like you put em in the dryer after a week (but people wear them for months)! They were overdressed in tacky formal dresses. A hot mess, I tell ya, but not as bad as the church lady with the white tights sitting in the first row of the glass-fronted balcony with her legs open!

c) There was champagne and liquor at alot of those tables, which I have never before seen. Which is why people were getting loose in the second half...one lady ran up with some money when the men dropped their sarongs and show off those tighty trunks!

d) Speaking of hot guy models, one of the models had four nipples! I kid you not! It's like I'm the only one who noticed!

e) I can't believe how many of the models were tatted up -- girls and guys! I thought it was tacky...

f) They let a person volunteer to walk the catwalk, and of course one of the trifling MILFs trampled the other one getting up there. She walks out, blinking like an owl at the lights, and immediately trips and almost breaks a hip. She would never have left the stage if it she hadn't almost been run over by the REAL models starting up the second half! Maybe she was implanted in the crowd as comic relief.

g) Some white guys whose company was sponsoring were hilarious... they were immobilized by all the black beauty on the runway. I've never seen a man stay frozen like that, like he'd been lobotomized. They were having a mountaintop experience -- especially when the plus sized model walked. Too much sex appeal! The drool pools were creating a walking hazard.

h) In addition to such bumpkinisms as the "volunteer catwalk", "the presentation of plaques", "the greek roll call", and the "old people dignitaries filibuster", there was also the "announcement of the VIP reception, location, and the invitation for EVERYONE to go." That's right. People who paid 50 dollars for their ticket and the reception were now obliged to share the reception with all the people who headed the announcement, and that's exactly what happened. The food got gobbled up, and there weren't enough seats.

i) This did not end the fun, however. I gobbled up my plate of treats (which is currently sitting in my stomach like dog food) and hit the dance floor. I was able to get in the bus stop, cupid shuffle, and a few others before we left. I would still be giving myself shin splints on the dance floor right now if not for my mom telepathically projecting her exhaustion to me; she had to will me off the dance floor.

So here I sit, not even tired, but knowing that this is a complete illusion and that I need to hit the sack as I have an early call in the morning. Good night!

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