I am transformed!

I am transformed! I got an offer yesterday, and I'm grabbing it with both hands! This blogger is now GAINFULLY EMPLOYED! Ain't God a wonder? Right on time.

This means:
1) I am moving to New Orleans. This once seemed unattainable.

2) I am working in entertainment and publishing. I get to start a magazine! Did I mention this is my dream job??

3)I will receive a regular paycheck. 'Gasp'! This means that I can pay my bills! I can buy a house soon, maybe even this year! It's times like this when one thing changes my entire world that I am convinced that I live in a snow globe, occasionally given a good shake by a Divine Hand. Miraculous!

4) I can help rebuild New Orleans. This has become my passion. I don't have to give it up!

5) I was right. This is my year! It will be the best ever. This is proof.

6) Everyone else was right. All of those who encouraged me, supported me, listened to me whine and cry, gave me advice in my time of need, believed in me and were vocal about it -- each and every one of you is and was an angel sent to me in my time of need. I appreciate you more than I can express. I can only promise to reciprocate and to pay it forward.

That's it for now. I have a major move to execute this weekend, a lot of goodbyes to say, plans to make, and a busy week ahead at my new job!!

Lovely! Will post more later. I'm so excited I can barely type. My brain is doing cartwheels!

Post Theme: Hallelujah! by A Soulful Celebration

Blown Away... A week's recap

Boy have I been neglecting the blog... can't believe it's been a whole week! It hasn't been a particularly good week either, so there really is no excuse...

Last weekend: My brothers girlfriend (read: almost fiancee) came to town for a visit. I know that I said that I would be hard and fierce, but I can't help it -- I love her! So it was a lot of fun. Plus, she's become a friend, and I have a real dearth of those around here. I mostly live my life by teleconference these days, and for an extroverted people person like me, this is a travesty. Lots of fellowship and good eatin' ensued, and I needed that, because last Friday I got some horrible news from a place that I was interviewing with. Out of nowhere in particular, the head guy decided to put the position "on hold". This is what I was told, curtly and unapologetically, by the person that I interviewed with when I followed up. Frankly, this devastated me, because I had been certain that I was at least going to have two additional interviews.

Monday: Nothing much happened. I was pretty busy buying time until Wed, when my friend and I were meeting up in New Orleans. She was flying into town for a conference from LA, and I was making the hour plus drive from the Coast. We were planning to have dinner, go out dancing, and then stay up all night! I know, I know, who convinced us we could relive a night during freshman year? All I can say in my defense is that this friend does that to me. She's so high energy, and when I'm around her she takes me right up there with her! I also had a big breakthrough on the aforementioned job. I found someone in my network who could make a call on my behalf, and find out what was going on at this company, and why things got so weird. This was big news!

Tuesday: I made the call in the morning, spoke with my guy, and he promised he could help and that I could expect to hear back by the end of the week. That done, I twiddled my thumbs and did a lot of waiting.

Wednesday: Yay! Fun Day! I heard from my guy, pretty much first thing, and he was able to speak with the hiring manager at the company in question. I found out many surprising things, the most surprising of which is that my candidacy was never brought to his attention! My resume, recommendation letter, and hour and a half of first interview were headed to the Mariana Trench! It was only my sudden and fierce determination to NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER that saved it, and me, from being lost. I am not sure what is going to happen with this, but I do know that I WILL drive this candidacy to completion, whatever that completion may be.

I went to New Orleans. I hung out with my aunt a bit. I met up with my friend. We had a fun dinner, but I didn't stay the night, because her conference turned out to a be a disaster! It was a conference for HIGH SCHOOLERS and she was a COUNSELOR! How could she not tell me that! It was awful, and my summer camp worker days are over, so I high-tailed it out of there. But not before I got a friggin ticket on my car! I can't afford to pay shit like that! I was mad.

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah... a lot happened on Wednesday. Snapshots: someone slammed the phone down in my face. The wind was so high it almost blew my car off the overpass. It also almost blew my aunt's weave off (mine is sewn in, so no worries:). I tried my first banana daquiri. I actually had three daquiris total. I got chased out of a cultural arts center by some Afrocentric granola-type sentries. I saw Brian J. White walking down the street. I danced salsa on the street. I almost talked my way into the Chrisette Michelle concert at the House of Blues for free. I got my intelligence insulted by a gay guy on the phone (not sure anything is more humiliating). I saw a fat girl in high heels trying to walk on the cobblestones (made for laughter). I chatted up the cuties at the concierge desk at the W hotel. A NOPD officer seated me at Mother's, where I almost ate dinner. I actually had a Cafe Maspero's burger at the bar.

Can't you see why I love my New Orleans? All that stuff can only happen in the greatest city ever!!

Thursday: Back to boring. I spent the whole day in bed feeling crappy. What the hell, right? It's not like I have a job to run to. I got my first of many hate mail letters from American Express. I did find out that I've lost weight, which is uplifting. I also renewed my commitment to eat right and follow the rules. Barack Obama rocked my world on Larry King, and I think he is emerging victorious on this Reverend Wright thing. His speech on race let 'em know, and I like how he's gone on the offensive as far as foreign policy and experience is concerned. I know what Obama's doing, but I don't know what Hillary is doing right now. I think she's laying low and hoping that Rev. Wright does her dirty work for him.

Friday: Well, that's today, and it officially hasn't happened yet. I think I'm all caught up!

Post Theme: Champion by Kanye West

March on...

Today I am deeply disappointed. I had the ominous feeling that I had been presumptive in my joy, and loosed-tongued in my overconfidence, and yesterday, I fear, I was proven correct. I would have loved to be wrong in this!

What am I talking about? Well, I had a great interview this week, was positive that I was moving on the last and final round of interviews, was certain that I would receive an offer, allotted less than a week for salary negotiation, and started planning my end of the month move to New updating my financial goals, mapping out a budget, and looking at homes for sale on craigslist! Whether this is a case of healthy success visualization and claiming God's promise, or gun-jumping at its finest, I do not know.

Not to mention all the people I told... people that are going to want to know what happened with the job and when do I start. People who will attempt to encourage me or comfort me when I tell them that I am back to square one. So heaped onto a crushing sense of disappointment and weariness in being disappointed is a sense of shame. No good news to report guys, nothing to see here. Let's all just get some sleep... Isn't that what the police say when they're shooing away the gawkers at the scene of the train wreck? Why yes it is... how apt.

I received an email telling me that the position that I was certain that I would be offered is "on hold for a month or so". I don't even know what that means, and it can mean so many things. What happened to the strong sense of rapport that I built with my interviewer. I thought for sure that I could have depended on her for more of an explanation than that, no matter what the outcome. A terse, two-sentenced brush off what outside of the realm of my expectations.

Of course, not all hope it lost. I have to keep on trucking, keep on looking... I mean, what else is there? It might even turn out that I will eventually be handed what looks right now to be impossible: this job on a silver platter. There's really no excuse for me giving up now, particularly with the amazing support system that I have in family and friends that are behind me, with the number of people offering themselves: money, time, favors. I appreciate you all more than I can say.

I just can't help but wonder how much longer I will have to wait. The bible says be ye not weary in well-doing, but the negative emotions and thoughts, bruised feelings, and tough circumstances weigh down on me like baggage, and it's baggage that I can ill afford. Today, with a sigh and a tired smile, I soldier on.

Post Theme: Bag lady by Erykah Badu

I'm So Excited!

Break out the 80's music! I am so excited and full of energy that I hardly slept last night or the night before! I mean I'm really soaring...it's some combination of nervous energy, excitement, and endorphins (since I went walking this morning at 5:45 am). It's the kind of thing where you jump on the bed, or run out into a hard rain yelling Shazam! The feeling of invincibility is a welcome change, believe you me!

I've been laying low because I didn't want to over think it any more than I usually do, and therefore jinx it, but I had my first face to face interview in 6 months yesterday, and it went swimmingly. No details here, but I am moving on in the interview process and think that I just may have found something even better than I job I can tolerate -- I THINK THAT I'VE FOUND MY DREAM JOB, IN MY HOMETOWN!!

Do you know what this means?!? It means an end to my crisis of faith, an end to placing fear-inspired limitations on God or myself. It also means an end to the unending, foggy valley that was my mid-20's. Talk about your quarter-life crisis! I can live EXACTLY where I want to, how I want to. In other words, I am perilously close to getting my heart's desire. Hosanna!

In other news...I volunteered for the Obama campaign and he won MS last night! Another reason for shouting out (it's moments like this that I miss my giant trampoline)! You da man, B!

Also, I am hysterical with ironic, maniacal laughter at this whole NY governor situation. Methinks it was a case where he doth protest too much against hookers! The guy is the main prosecutor of prostitution rings and then leaves a neon-glowing money trail back to himself! And then the main pimp daddy running the whole biz is an IRS official! So that's why he never thought he'd get caught...it never fails to amaze me. I also can't help noticing that this scandal broke in NY, where HRC is "from".... where there's smoke there's fire. *rude snicker* It's about as much to go on as they have on Obama, and I think turnabout is fair play. I can see the mudslinging posters now: pix of Hillary shaking hands with Gov. Spitzer while Bill Clinton slides his hand up some intern's skirt in the background. The slogan at the bottom reads... "WTF?!?!" Then she can spend lots of valuable campaigning time explaining away the behavior of unfortunate acquaintances in an attempt to dispel the ludicrous and vague aura of guilt and scandal that she finds herself surrounded in. I can see the email chain letters now: don't vote for Hillary, she hangs with philanderers and whore mongers. And she's got a black person somewhere in her family tree; she will have to be sworn in singing Lift Every Voice and Sing instead of The Star Spangled Banner. People would totally believe it, too.

Post Theme: Neutron Dance by the Pointer Sisters

Access Denied

Today was a resounding chorus of ACCESS DENIED in so many ways. How did I get locked on the outside of the bubble?

I got a rejection email from a company that I didn't even want to work for, and yet I am still a bit wounded. Is this how low I've sunk, that I want to be wanted, regardless of whom is doing the wanting? I could be a heroine on Lifetime. Cue montage of attitude change and resultant success please, because I am tiring of this uphill battle. I would be so pleased if the weeks flew by to the tune of some insanely upbeat music, snapshots of me working hard, working out, losing weight, changing my image, getting a makeover, and relocating would sail past my nodding head and snapping fingers bump-free, only to arrive at me, a completely different person. A successful, confident person. Not the disaster I am today. Right now, that is my fondest wish, to be in a fairy tale. What does that say?!?! I need a break.

My wishes are very simple, actually. A renovated double shotgun in New Orleans, and an uncorked writer's brain to write my stories and sell 'em to whoever wants to read 'em. How did trying to get there come to involve rewriting my resume fifteen times and searching ardently for jobs in Atlanta or Washington DC? I feel like I'm in the center of a tornado, all turned around and holding on for dear life. What happened to true North? Is that why this isn't working? I'm so blown off course... was it heeding the pushy chorus of helpful voices, or my deafness to them? It occurs to me that there is only one voice that I need to heed, and it is not the voice of the crowd. It's a still, quiet voice that speaks to the broken, listening heart.

I wish that listening and waiting were as easy as typing these words, but there is the small matter of what I might hear when I finally do hear something. Hearing a no might break my heart, and would certainly hurt my feelings -- another access denied. Courage is scarce today, and faith locked away in a mustard seed, but tomorrow brings the dawn and joy cometh in the morning.

Post Theme: Open Up My Heart by Yolanda Adams

No News Is Good News?

"No news is good news." (Rant On) Whoever said that was not trying to find a job when they said it. They must have been waiting for something impossibly wonderful, something that would devastate if not the desired outcome. It couldn't have been something as two-edged, as cursed a blessing, as gainful employment. No way. (Rant Off)

'Sigh'... I guess you can tell from reading this that nothing happened today of note. No one called, no one wrote. They are maintaining radio silence in an effort to drive me mad. Still writing from the location of Screwed, which is just North of Forget It, East of A Rock, and West of A Hard Place. (Now that made me smile). Why does the job search have to be so brutal? If I were a tech person, I would have already written a virus that made my resume and a flashing "hire me or else" banner into pop-ups. I would have already uploaded it to the world at large, and would currently be conducting a prolonged salary negotiation in which I bartered not only the cessation of the pop-up, but the technology itself. Unfortunately, as Napoleon Dynamite would say, "I don't have any skills".

What accounts for this frowny, angsty post? Here's a hint: the bills come on time, even when the checks stop!!! I got no loot, and no ends neither. This will be such a riveting story to tell when I'm sitting on Oprah's couch and she is trying to wrap her mind around what a superstar I am, but right now that is thin comfort, like the newspaper duvets that homeless people use. Ugh. Okay, I am depressing myself and wallowing. I wish that I could change the subject to something impossibly stimulating and interesting, but I have nothing else on my mind, nothing witty or brilliant to say, and that says enough. I'm calling it a night. Forgive me!

Post Theme: Hostile Gospel 2 by Talib Kweli

I Feel Trapped

After my telephone interview today, I'm feeling trapped. Now before I get into this, I do realize that I may be overreacting and that next week I may feel foolish about writing this, but I gotta be me.

It's not that I didn't do well. In fact, I think that I did very well, certainly well enough to be called in for a face to face interview. Fact is, after finding out more about the job, my suspicions are confirmed. It's a sales job going back into an industry that I don't care for and that I gratefully escaped when Hurricane Katrina gave me the opportunity. The prospect of being forced to take it by my financial circumstance and sheer pragmatism (I mean it's not like I'm getting offers or even calls from anywhere else) fills me with impotence and frustration. My hands feel tied, and the irony of my situation does not escape me. After determining to revamp my resume, my angle, and my career direction in an effort to avoid being unfulfilled, I stumble onto a job just like the ones I couldn't get last fall when I was actually trying!! What does it all mean? What am I supposed to do?

The feeling of being herded in down a chute, like a doomed heifer at a meat packing plant, is achingly familiar. A feeling of doom is rising within me like the tide, and I didn't realize that I was cycling back around. You see, each time I've started over it's been like this. Forced to take a position that I didn't actively decide to take. It's like this: if I had come to the conclusion that this was my best option, then no regrets, but if I fall into this by default, then all my struggling has been for naught, because it has been a struggle for control, for power, for the chance to choose my adventure like one of those damn comic books in middle school. I didn't realize then that the ability to choose would be stripped from me at a later point in life, or I would have read those books more. Whatever happens now is a choice that I must stay committed to; to change positions in any less than three years would be career suicide, and to leave the industry a second time would consign me to being labeled "unfocused", and you can't trust an unfocused person in management. "Unfocused" people don't get promoted. So whatever my new direction, it is a weighty decision of some permanence.

As I stated before, however, these are reflections of my thoughts at this point in time. In another week, the present snow globe may have been jostled by the Divine Hand, and I will be looking at a completely different landscape. That is to say that I have concluded (wisely, if I do say so myself) to put this away, to wait and see, to stand and believe. Every step I take is ordered, and each action takes me closer. Selah.

Post Theme: Closer by Goapele