Live from the Crab Bucket!

RANT ON: I HATE THIS ABOUT THE BLACK COMMUNITY!

Who the FUCK cares about Obama mentioning Martin Luther King in his nomination acceptance speech?! How is he "running from history"? He's running toward history! And calling Hillary's concession speech incandescent?! Her speech was lame, but clearly all Malveaux heard was Harriet Tubman; she clearly spent her entire time watching the democratic convention holding a score card for mentions of accepted black heroes. How long will they expect Obama to be "the Black people's president"? These people are delusional -- if he was going to mention Dr. king, white supremacy, and Jim Crow in every speech, he wouldn't be accepting the Democratic nomination, he'd be accepting funding for his next research paper as a Af-Am studies professor. Or worse: dimes in his cup as just another scraggly, ignored zealot on the street corner !

And where is this damn "baton" that King passed to Jesse Jackson and then to Obama? How is Jackson in the middle, with his Hymie-town and nut-cracker gaffes? He's not even close to Obama as a black leader in my opinion; Jackson is rhetoric, Obama is LEGISLATION. They need to stop trying to make Obama into a mythical black messiah figure, expecting him to feed black multitudes with a free catfish dinner w/ hush puppies complete with water to wine!

These people don't get what it means to be a biracial person either. (Might I also point out that although Barack is, his father was NOT african-american. His father was African .) You can't erase the fact that he is both black and white, and furthermore that his white relatives raised him and were there for him more than his absent father. And why does the fact that people weren't crying on camera mean to them that people weren't moved? The final night of the convention was electric. West and Malveaux are like those two old-ass white geezer muppets sitting in the balcony on the Muppet Show: same crotchety dialogue, same sticks up their asses...except they aren't funny.

I'm glad there are only 2 comments -- I hope this show is unilaterally ignored; it deserves no ratings. As for Tavis, he has had it out for Obama since Obama missed his little forum at the beginning of the primary. He needs to sit back, keep his mouth shut, and let Obama really give his something to smile about when he wins. We certainly can't afford to take this crap seriously!

However, this certainly does give me something to wonder about for when he takes office. What will this self-appointed cabal of black inquisitioners expect from an ideal Obama presidency? An MLK shout-out in the state of the union address? "Lift Every Voice and Sing" instead of "Hail the Chief"? Slave reparations instead of the promised tax cuts for 95% of us? Preposterous!

Post Theme: U Black Maybe by Common

After the Party

It's 2 am and I'm not tired, so I thought I'd give you the skinny on the Fashion Fair. It was fabulous! The models looked great! The lights, the hair (the weave), the makeup, and the collections. It's the most fashion forward one that I can remember. I'll tell it to you in observations:

a) It's great to have a network! I loved being there, right next to the runway at a reserve table. And attending the VIP party afterwards with the models and all that was stellar.

b) Black people, my people! Ya'll know you be dressing up for the fashion show like it was a church pageant! Not to mention the people that dressed for the red carpet at the Oscars. My absolute favorites though were at one of the runway-side tables across from us. A group of hard-faced older ladies with the worst weaves that I have ever seen -- the cheap ones that look like you put em in the dryer after a week (but people wear them for months)! They were overdressed in tacky formal dresses. A hot mess, I tell ya, but not as bad as the church lady with the white tights sitting in the first row of the glass-fronted balcony with her legs open!

c) There was champagne and liquor at alot of those tables, which I have never before seen. Which is why people were getting loose in the second half...one lady ran up with some money when the men dropped their sarongs and show off those tighty trunks!

d) Speaking of hot guy models, one of the models had four nipples! I kid you not! It's like I'm the only one who noticed!

e) I can't believe how many of the models were tatted up -- girls and guys! I thought it was tacky...

f) They let a person volunteer to walk the catwalk, and of course one of the trifling MILFs trampled the other one getting up there. She walks out, blinking like an owl at the lights, and immediately trips and almost breaks a hip. She would never have left the stage if it she hadn't almost been run over by the REAL models starting up the second half! Maybe she was implanted in the crowd as comic relief.

g) Some white guys whose company was sponsoring were hilarious... they were immobilized by all the black beauty on the runway. I've never seen a man stay frozen like that, like he'd been lobotomized. They were having a mountaintop experience -- especially when the plus sized model walked. Too much sex appeal! The drool pools were creating a walking hazard.

h) In addition to such bumpkinisms as the "volunteer catwalk", "the presentation of plaques", "the greek roll call", and the "old people dignitaries filibuster", there was also the "announcement of the VIP reception, location, and the invitation for EVERYONE to go." That's right. People who paid 50 dollars for their ticket and the reception were now obliged to share the reception with all the people who headed the announcement, and that's exactly what happened. The food got gobbled up, and there weren't enough seats.

i) This did not end the fun, however. I gobbled up my plate of treats (which is currently sitting in my stomach like dog food) and hit the dance floor. I was able to get in the bus stop, cupid shuffle, and a few others before we left. I would still be giving myself shin splints on the dance floor right now if not for my mom telepathically projecting her exhaustion to me; she had to will me off the dance floor.

So here I sit, not even tired, but knowing that this is a complete illusion and that I need to hit the sack as I have an early call in the morning. Good night!

Post Theme: After Party by Koffee Brown

A Modern Freedom Struggle

It occurred to me today that it's Black History Month. Duh, right? I should know that, should have realized earlier, should have paid attention to the one month of pseudo-solicitousness that I am entitled to per year. Somehow I missed it.

Last month I attended a certain Sunday morning's services at my parent's uber-traditional Baptist church. I remember being mortified as Sister so and so (complete with hat that could be seen from outer space) asked all the "youth in the church 10 to 15 years old" to stand. She then asked them to come to the front of the church. They slinked forward, barely compliant, disgruntled to be interrupted from their Sunday morning social hour activities of texting, flirting, eating, and other assorted nonsense. The good sister lined them up at the front of the church and shoved a packet of papers into each hand. It turns out that last year's church-sponsored MLK essay contest only got 5 entries, so this year she was obliged to trick and shame them into entering. The essay question: "Has the civil rights struggle and heroes of yesterday influenced your life as a teen today? If so, how?" I was struck by several things at once:

1) What have we come to when the substance of a month of reverence and remembrance is reduced to this? African-Americans have always had a rich culture of oral histories and collective consciousness. We've honored our ancestors through libations and dances, stories and traditions. Now our children, indeed our young adults, can hardly be bothered to remember any but the most "commercial" black figures. You know what I mean: Harriet Tubman, Booker T. Washington, and of course, Martin Luther King. What about the less popular heroes? What about the still living local heroes, scattered in communities across the nation? I have often found it sad that we have not mined and preserved the still living civil rights story being carried in the hearts, minds, and memories of our elderly. Even baby boomers were a part! The crux of the Civil Rights Movement was barely 50 years ago!

2) Why are we still asking the uninspired question, "how has this affected us"? An essay question that boring is asking for nothing beyond a recitation of black history facts and firsts and a few platitudes of gratitude. It is a moot point to ponder, how history has affected us. Why aren't we leading kids to analyze, to think critically? The struggle isn't over. Every day another news blurb proves that the frontier of the struggle is barely explored. What about the inextricably linked aspect of class? What about the rights of other minority ethnic groups in America?

As I watched the church debacle from the fourth row, I felt conflicted. I was happy there was a contest at all, and also happy that someone was passionate enough about it to put in the effort, but I also felt a burning desire to stand up and say something. I wanted to write an essay of my own, give a speech, do something to steer everyone from the rutted, oft-traveled road they were mired in. But I was silent instead. I realized that there was nothing to be done at that point, and I held it all in. I may not be able to affect ironclad Baptist tradition at a church I don't belong to, but I can make a difference in my day to day life, and I can certainly teach all the people I get my hands on differently. And so that is what I am doing.

This Black History month, think differently. Know that Black history is American history. Learn a cool new fact about Black people every day. Watch an edifying "black" movie. Think about the issues in our current cultural paradigm that comprise the current racist or classist problems in America. Set out to pay more attention. You'll begin to notice them everywhere. Lastly, stand up where ever and whenever you can against them. If we all strive to cherish each other, then change gon come sooner rather than later.

Post Theme: Say It Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud) by James Brown